CU next year..

“The annually occurring, prolonged nightmare of pains,also known as CU is now over.
And I am alive once more.It is tough to describe the past few months. Actually I have been rendered numb by the end of it so I don’t really have words to replace the genuine feelings of hatred,contempt,disgust and repulsion which I feel for that institution.”
This is an excerpt from an email sent to me by a friend of mine who is a resident of Mars. Yes Mars.
Before you jump to hasty conclusions,let me expand CU for you……it is Chubki University,located somewhere in the hilly terrain of Mars( so my friend tells me). The nomenclature is more to do with the way the university has a habit of shocking and startling the students when they least expect it, than anything else. Anyway my friend went on further to explain his ordeals and the intellectual impediments he faced while dealing with ultra-boring works of (f)art.
First there was a play called Edward…according to my friend,the play was based on the life of an unabashedly homosexual king and his minion;his consequent neglect of the duties of kingship,which resulted in (a)civil war for England (b)a box of aspirins for the student. Its repercussions can be gauged from the fact that, the play spawned an entire new genre of hybrid humans who,for some odd reason, started to call themselves Booby Darlings…..
Second there was School For Scandal….a comedy which drew more Ha-Ha’s than bhojpuri porn…and he told me it was an achievement in itself. The plot was supposed to be mostly of the Restoration genre. The play did fit the bill of restoration,he tells me,as his sanity was restored soon after he was done reading the play.
Third there was Pride and Prejudice which according to my friend was the literary equivalent of ekta kapoor soaps. The characters_ the ladies to be precise_were only interested in hooking up with rich guys with huge estates…much similar to our modern day gold-diggers to some extent…
There was also a novel called Return of The Native…one of the main characters in this novel,going by the name of Eustacia, is a loose portrayal of all the new age mallika kherawat’s, who are comfortable with their sexuality and have no qualms in using their sex-appeal to seduce prospective mates; especially if the mate happens to have a lucrative job in paris. The novel also presented the character of Wildeve; someone who is stupid enough to assume that an unpredictable woman like Eustacia would actually spend her whole life with a single man. An even dumber character is that of Clym, who prefers serving the locals instead of going to Paris with a hot wife…idiot.
My friend gave me inputs on how the university tortured the students in innovative ways. He said that some students had to sit for exams on two consecutive days with the timing for the first exam being from 2-5 and that of the second exam being from 10-1; this practically meant almost no time for recuperating from the trauma of the exam gone by….he also stressed that the sex-life of a few students were also affected as they could not indulge in nocturnal rock-n-roll in so less a time-gap. The jerks.
But my friend is an optimist.He points out that he’s better placed than many of his friends who had to sit for 2 exams in one day!! you gotta have the stamina of a pornstar to actually sit through 6gruelling hours of accounts/maths or whatever combination you prefer.
All said and done,my friend is a bit disillusioned right now. He told me with a lot more than pain in his voice,that the university syllabus would not be this soporific,if it was presented well and a certain degree of creative freedom given to students. By curbing the imagination of young minds, and compelling them to memorise literature in a rigid,tasteless fashion; instead of giving them room for personal interpretations; the powers-that-be are destroying the entire charm of the subject itself.

“so what about you? Things must be better back there…”
This is how his email ends.
And I am still thinking on the reply.

CHEER(up)LEADERS

Sneakily switching channels to catch those divine goddesses/unrealistically hot babes of Baywatch perhaps has been an integral part of every Complan Boys’s life…and of course, for those who no longer need Complan, and a Teachers is just as good.
And after every episode followed a deep reverie dangerously and tangibly tilting towards a fantasy,as You imagined what it would be like to catch even a fleeting glimpse of them in real-life.

Decades of such fantasies later came IPL.

Then came the cheerleaders...an equivalent of those memories,toned down with touches of reality.

And then came the moral brigade….and the rest is history…literally and figuratively even as they voiced ‘displeasure’ and ‘concern’ over the apparent ‘loss of Indian values’.
Really?? I may have been speaking from the point of view of a testosterone driven male before but that’s well and truly half the picture. It cannot be refuted that they entertain the masses…(and some of the fielders manning the boundary line).But they are important not just for their glamour quotient ;they are representative of how the game itself has evolved over the years from being the Gentleman’s(read snob’s) game to the game of the aam junta. Rather,Cricket has seemingly adapted itself as per the needs of the average Joe who has to slog from 9 to 8 under more pressure than ever before,trying to meet one steep deadline after another. So even if there is an Indo-Pak ODI over the weekend,he or she can just about hope to catch the last few overs. So what would you do in such a situation? Get yourself a drink at Park street and hit the disc where you drink some more,dance like a retarded monkey and stare at cute guys/ gals. IPL is what offers a different way to unwind.Although I am sure there are many who would still prefer the former scenario,i am equally certain that many guys or girls will prefer sports…in this case IPL.
And why not? It’s giving us what we need: an action packed extravaganza complete with bollywood stars,the best cricketers of the world thrown into one single arena,foot-tapping music for those wannabe Hrithiks and the cheerleaders who egg on the crowd incase you are running short of enthusiasm…and all this inside an approximate of 4hours. That’s total entertainment for me. And the cheerleaders just happen to be an important part of that entertainment-package. So where exactly does morality fit into all this? I think the MP’s(moral police) are implying,that should you happen to be more interested in ‘finer legs’ than fine-legs,then we have a situation at hand…therein lies your ‘immorality’. Perhaps,by shifting priorities from late-cuts to deep-cuts,you are getting your priorities wrong.Simple.
But I believe,and i speak for every true cricket fan hopefully,that the lovers of this now-beautiful game need not be told the fact that a straight-six by Sachin is still even sexier than the ladies with pom-pom’s.Of course,if a batsman decides to make 30 off a hundred deliveries,then i would much rather prefer watching ‘em blondes gyrating away to glory!!
So our MP’s need not feel “concerned” as far as loss of values are concerned on the cricket field.
I am sure our MP’s have voiced their “concern” keeping the best interests of India’s tradition in mind.And being responsible citizens,it is our duty to bring any cases of Value-loss to their attention. For example,the banning of bar-dancers,who are forced to dance and please complete strangers due to inavailability of other decent jobs; instantly robbed many women of their livelihood…I am guessing,though I might be wrong,that maybe it is perhaps not moral. When people with enough political clout get away with rape,murder etc etc….maybe…just maybe it is immoral.

I am sure that our MP’s, our most loved guardians of Indian culture,tradition and values;the Justice-League of our great nation,fiercely protecting our morals from westernization will take up these matters and many more and ensure that there is no loss whatsoever in our values and the halo of purity on our heads is preserved till eternity. Amen to that.

No regrets

Shards of your memory,last night
Sliced me up with neat precision…
(So you’re expecting some blood,tears maybe
For metaphors sake,at least)
Sorry. I just made a bad decision.

Useless Philosophy

Damn.Its one of those moments again.
When reality makes love to you...and you’re left with a sense of waste,despondency and an overwhelming sense of nothingness inside you.Not something you bargained for.
But that’s exactly what happens sometimes is’nt it? When you manage to coax your subconscious into sneaking a peek at the world around you,for what it actually is,and not how you think it is,and not how you force yourself perpetually to believe it to be.Some might say these are moments of epiphany…I just think these are moments of life exposed to the hilt for what it truly stands for..nothing.We have this despicable habit of viewing things from an extremely parochial point of view..we see what we want to see..we believe what we want to believe. But the notes of reality are jarring enough to reshuffle our make-believe world.
I think i am digressing. I just heard of someone passing away recently…drug overdose.He was a student i think…an exceptional one at that.
The potential of his being reduced to nothing. He makes me realize the bubble of stupidity and pretence I have created around myself..the bubble of transitory dreams and desires….a great job,success in life..successful relationships.. a giant bubble…and a vulnerable one too.
Suddenly everything seems so naked…so real.
I look around myself and see my own reflection in the glass wall of farce around me.Its got a crack running right through the middle.

####$$%^****!!!!!!!!/////??~~~~~~@@@@@

For the past few weeks my subconscious has been subjected to a seige of sorts,from thoughts and issues ranging from the commonplace to the extremely bizarre....put all of them together and voila!.. the result is a sandwich of incoherence and meaninglessness which i seriously believe has the potential to zap the last remains of intellect which i have(or at least i think i have..)

So i tried to cordon off the area of my brain where these 'vile creatures' were pounding up and down,as if on an overdose of viagra..and these are just a few of the elements which were gnawing at me uncessantly,and unnecessarily(chronology has'nt been adhered to):

/fu*k exams//new cell new cell new cell//tickets for IPL//deepika's soo damn cute they should ban her from making public appearences//wish i was on roadies//need money//......need more money//exams from june..fu*k//james joyce and Araby//psychosexual experience//disillusionment//why does the board hinder creativity??fu*k??//man i broke a signal!! thats probably 200bucks//Central park seems a nice place to make out...//no books in english for sociology..unbelievable!//Macbeth's one sttrong text//Jodha-Akbar...give two whooping hoots for Akbar..i want jodha...ash is surreal//hope i get a job somewhere as a journalist//why are there no cute girls in my college??//Love song Of J.Alfred Prufrock//gotta finish writing the fu*king notes//killer curves..on the merc//F.R.I.E.N.D.S//im not in stephens..why???//been a long time since i went out with her//Mittal's driver gets paid more than i will earn in 10 years//hate to mug up answers..never thought i would be doing it//when is the best time(and place) to lose my virginity?//Banalata Sen//jennifer anniston//wish BBC hires me//john donne's epitaph//some girs are BIG time sluts//whats the syllabus in J.U like?//gotta have a gud physique//FU*K its only 2 months to june!!........................................////

Makes sense?..Congratulations.......aap paanchvi paas se kaafi tez hain..

some day..!

Its that time of year again when street shops,malls,departmental stores are all inundated with flowers of diverse kinds.Red,yellow,white,pink...flowers of all possible hues are abundant everywhere.Suddenly people develop an intrinsic affinity to romance,which strangely,must needs be accompanied by the seed bearing part of the plant....Im talking of course,of the build-up to Valentines Day,14th February.The change in societal atmosphere is blatantly perceptible to such a degree that,should you not sense it,then two conclusions must be drawn.Either you are blind or a puritan bordering on the extreme,refusing to acknowledge such an event at all!! Just a cursory glimpse across the street should be enough evidence for my claims.



And in a progressive world as the one we inhabit,shows of love are not confined to the modest rose or the perfumed greeting card.Trying to find the essence of romance by extending the realms of transience is what unemployed persons would do on a winter evening!There is no room for ephemerality today,when people can freeze their love(hmm) on digi-cams with 7 or 10 megapixel cameras,which by the way has auto-focus...Sooooooo.........



"Rush to your nearest mall and grab hold of the best digi-cam available! After all,your partner is worth it!! whats more we give you a discount of 50% for every purchase worth 7000 rupees! RUN NOW!!!!.....CONDITIONS APPLY MORON."



This is what V-day stands for in the context of recent times.Glorification of material aspects which are not even remotely associated with love.I cannot figure out why one needs to express "love" in terms of the number of carats which a gold ring is made of.Why should we equate love with tokens of superficiality?


Again,is there a need at all to observe such a day? Many say that V-day is when we "celebrate love"....on a grand scale,albeit!! I feel it has now become more of a statement to say "we are celebrating togetheress"....it is the proclamation of love,the statement itself which matters more than the intent.We keep forgetting that love can be found in the little things that we do for each other...

So instead of taking a day off on V-day to be with your partner for lunch;surpising her with an unexpected visit might be a less mushy and yet far more meaningful gesture...instead of meeting your friends at parties,dropping by when they're cleaning the garage might be a less glitzy but more constructive and thoughtful approach!!! Instead of buying your mother a saree,taking a french-leave to spend a day with her would perhaps be more emotionally satisfying.....



Lets indulge in love...not celebrate it.




P.S: this post was supposed to be published before 14th but obviously my server had designs of its own...i guess it was busy "serving" others on V-day!

Pro-crastinating bong..

NO.

I am not suggesting that the average bengali has proclivities towards perpetually delaying their already delayed matters(job,studies or whatever).Nor am i,by fiddling arond with alphabets,trying to put a label on them.Im a bong myself.

I was merely drawn into a retrospect,which in itself was a culmination of three consecutive lazy mornings and six cups of coffee(decaffe),on whether the irrepressible urge to delay important assignments is only confined to my slothful self..an uncle of mine who happens to be bengali also,somewhat calmed my agitated nerves.He was supposed to leave for mumbai on some official tour and had to get himself updated on current affairs,as he would be interviewing some candidates.To his consternation,he discovered that time does not expand and remains a constant commodity..fixed at seven days with 24hrs each,which then runs into months and years in that precise order.Acknowledging this essential fact of life,48hrs before departure,is perhaps not helpful.Nevertheless,he was equally aware of the effects of an immovable self-belief.Well i was'nt.It did not take me a long time to find out though.

The results of a solid human self-belief in such a situation,keeping my uncle as the parameter;of trying to conquer time(at the last minute?) are as follows: dizziness,grogginess accompanied by gastronomical implosions of diverse kinds and hypertension.

Procrastination of such supreme kind,magnified several times,maybe seen in some government offices also.They have,in fact perfected the art and taken it to the next level...or so i heard.Therefore,i can now take solace from the fact that,im not the only creature to practice this ancient art form.

Let me give you further paradigms of how this human trait was prevalent in medieval times..

ummm...maybe later.Time for some sleep.............................................